What if Sin Isn’t the Issue?

For Christian Parents of SSA Kids Who Ask, “But don’t we all sin?”

“He himself bore our sins in his body on the cross, so that we might die to sins and live for righteousness;
by his wounds you have been healed.”
1 Peter 2:24 (NIV)

I hear over and over from Christian parents re: the SSA lifestyle issue, that, “Sin is sin. We all sin.” So basically, “What’s the big deal?”

This morning, during my quiet time, I had an epiphany:

What if sin isn’t the issue?

Jesus took care of our sin on the cross (1 Peter 2:24). And yes, we all sin.

But what if the issue isn’t sin? What if the real issue is the condition of our hearts toward God?

Over and over in the Old Testament, the Israelites would bring their tithes and offerings to God (Isaiah 29:13). They would sing songs of praise in the Temple. They might even follow the letter of the Law in many ways (Amos 5:21-23). But God’s complaint against them was that these things were empty because their hearts were far from Him (Matthew 15:8).

So where were their hearts?

Their true devotion was living the way the way they wanted to—in sexual immorality, worshiping idols, being dishonest in their business dealings, ignoring the poor, drunkenness, etc.  In short, they paid minimal homage to God (i.e. lip service), but the most important things to them were the life choices they made the other 6 days and 23 hours of the week.

The problem wasn’t that the Israelites sinned. It was the condition of their hearts and their attitudes toward God.

God wants our hearts—not our deeds (Mark 12:33). (For the record, if our hearts are for Him, our deeds will reflect that.)   Just as baptism is an outward expression of an inner change of our identity in Christ, our intentional sin is the outward evidence of the condition of our hearts toward God (Matthew 15:19).

Worship can be empty. Praise songs can just be songs. Tithing can be just a ritual, or worse, it can be a form of manipulation or extortion in our hearts. (“If I give this money to God, He will send me the money I need for that Kate Spade purse or that trip to Vegas….”) All these things can look good on the outside, but what really matters is what is in our hearts.

As parents, we want our children to genuinely love us, not to simply do the bare minimum to stay in our good graces so we will pay for their iPhone or get them out of a jam, right? We want them to share their hearts and their lives with us in a mutually caring and respectful relationship. We want them to love us for who we are, not what we can give them.   And we want them to live happy, healthy lives full of good things.  God wants that same kind of relationship with us (Isaiah 30:18; Zephaniah 3:17, 2 Corinthians 6:18).

So, back to the issue of the SSA lifestyle….  In His Word God has made very clear what is right and what is wrong in regard to sexual conduct (based on His love for us) (1 Timothy 1:9-11; Galatians 5:18-21a). So for any of us to say, “I don’t care what God says; I’m going to live according to how I feel and do what I want” is evidence that our hearts are far from Him. Whenever any of us elevate our desires above God, we have a new god in our lives (Colossians 3:5).

Our children may pray with their gay partner for God to bless their food at dinnertime, but that doesn’t mean their hearts are right with God. It means—on some level—they expect God to overlook their willful sin, or worse, they expect Him to bless their sin.  And what’s really shocking is they may not even realize they’re having those expectations!  They may truly believe deep down that God has no problem with their same-sex relationship.  (This is a reason it’s essential for us to maintain our Christian identity, faith and values with our adult SSA children.)

Do we all sin? Absolutely! As Christians, we strive to be sinners saved by grace who sometimes sin, but always with a sorrow over our sin and a repentant heart before God (2 Corinthians 7:9). When we choose a lifestyle of sin without remorse or repentance, we are behaving just like those Israelites in the Old Testament. And God’s response to them was always based on His deep love for them. He pleaded with them to turn from their sin and to return to right relationship with Him—because He loved them and He wanted what was best for them.  In fact, that’s why God sent Jesus to die on the cross for us—to set us free from sin and to make a way for us to have relationship with Him (Galatians 5:1).  That was His best for us!

Yes, each of us needs to extract the plank from our own eye (Matthew 7:5). We need to examine our hearts on a regular basis. And when we recognize some sin has crept in, we need to turn away from that behavior with the intent of not doing that thing again; we need to ask God to forgive us, and to give us the strength to abandon our sin (1 Corinthians 10:13). We need to ask Him to renew our minds and to purify our hearts and desires (Psalm 51:10). That is what He desires from us! Living a life within the safety and shelter of His grace—with our hearts set on Him—is what He wants for us (Psalm 91). He has so much good stored up for us, and He wants to lavish His love on us—if only we will give our hearts to Him fully.

It’s not about perfection. It’s not about the letter of the Law. It’s about what or who matters most to us. (Note: It is because He loves us that He gave us His Laws. They are meant to protect us from harm and from painful consequences, which means they are for our good. When we ignore or reject them, we are elevating ourselves and what we want above God, whether intentionally, or knowingly, or not; and we are treading on dangerous ground.)

And that is what makes the difference. If we are not willing to give up our sin and surrender that thing to God—even if it comes from a place of deep wounding—we have made it clear who or what is truly most important to us.  (Notice I’m speaking here of homosexual behavior, not SSA desire.  We have a choice about our behavior.  Only God can change our desire—and only when we surrender it to Him.)

If you or someone you love is living the homosexual lifestyle, please know that the reason God hates this and all sin is because sin hurts us. It hurts us, it hurts others, and it hurts our relationship with God. God doesn’t care about us living perfectly to the letter of the Law; He cares about our hearts.

As parents of kids living the SSA lifestyle, our job is not to point out their sin, but it’s also not to condone it. (Condoning it is encouraging them in their sin.) Love them with all you have, but hold tight to God’s best for them (1 Corinthians 13:4-7). This is compassion without compromise.  His best for all of us is that our hearts belong fully to Him.

 

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