The Issue of Identity

 “You are not your own; you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your bodies.”
1 Corinthians 6:19b-20 NIV

Our SSA kids may assert that their sexuality or gender defines their identity. Okay; that’s fair. We all get to choose what defines us.

For those of us who belong to Christ (1 Corinthians 6:19-20), our identity is defined by that fact. We are His; bought with the price of His shed blood for our sins.

So what if your SSA child belongs to Christ and is living the LGBT lifestyle? That scenario brings an undeniably difficult, and painful conflict for them. One that we need to sensitive to and compassionate toward.  (See the verses referenced above.)

Does it mean your child no longer belongs to Jesus? No. Just as the prodigal son was still the son of his father, your child is still a son or daughter of the Most High God (Luke 15:11-32). But also like the prodigal son, your child may experience some pretty rough circumstances as a result of his choice to live in this “distant country” (Luke 15:13). Those circumstances can either harden his or her heart toward God or cause sorrow that leads to repentance (2 Corinthians 7:10). As the parent, your part is to pray for the latter and leave the matter in God’s hands.

Regardless, we can and must respect our children’s choice to identify as LGBT. If this is their identity, that means they get to live their lives according to their values–without expectations to the contrary, judgment, or interference from us.

And we do so recognizing how strong their sexual desire is. Their feelings are intense, and their feelings matter. This is where compassion and grace come in, because “there but by the grace of God go I!” Here’s a thought: Would we have handled it any differently if we had personally experienced SSA? (You may answer that question with a definite yes, but honestly, no one knows what they would do in a situation until they are in that situation.) The truth of the matter is there is nothing we can say or do to change their minds on the issue of their identity. We need to accept that fact and behave accordingly.

However—and this is important—respect is a two-way street. We can also ask that they respect our identity in Christ as well. That means we get to live our lives according to our faith and values–without expectations to the contrary, judgment, or interference from them. (Note: Always ask in a humble, gentle, kind, and loving manner!)

Just as we don’t demand that they change their identity, they should not ask or expect us to change ours. It is within the parameters of this mutual respect and kindness that we can agree to disagree about the details. (For the record, God is a Master at working in the details!)

As parents of adult children, we don’t get to tell them how to live their lives. But if we want to maintain a relationship with them, we need to accept how they choose to live. We do this by respecting their choices and keeping our opinions to ourselves.

Relationship is about mutual unconditional love and respect. Give it first, then ask for it. Live what you believe based on whose you are, and let Him do the rest.